The Dark Anniversary
by Hypey0406
Summary: Kate celebrates the anniversary of her shooting by visiting her father's cabin, alone or so she thinks... CASKETT and Slight AU.
1. Day One, Part 1

AU, I guess. I'm ignoring what is happening in tonight's episode and what may happen in the finale. I refer to Castle's attitude lately, but I only reference that last part of Headhunters.

Okay, so this is a very very wordy chapter. I'm sorry for that, but it just came out that way. I have been mentally writing this for awhile but it just spilled out today.

Not sure how long this will be, but it probably wont be long- about five or six chapters. I'm going to post one and two today and written almost four.

Normal disclaimers apply.

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**The Dark Anniversary**

Chapter One: _**Day One, Part 1**_

She let the sun beat down on her arms. She felt the warmth rising on her skin, reminding her of the summer season coming. She loved this feeling – a long drive, wind in her hair, sunglasses on, a new favorite song blaring from the windows as she hit the familiar open road.

As she drifted into the calm of the trip, she thought back to the path that had taken her here. Not all the way back, not entirely to the start - that memory lane would come later – but to a few weeks ago, when she saw the date on the calendar.

Kate felt the anniversary before she realized it. She was not a stranger to dark anniversaries, not since her mother passed. When the anniversary of her mother's death arrived each year, she would be on edge for weeks prior. She would feel the rise of anger at a case gone cold, the anguish of the victims' families that had no closure. Kate would spend the morning leaving flowers at the grave site and mourning the new set of 365 days her mother would not witness.

But for the anniversary of her shooting, she felt it first on her skin. Her scar itched a little more, begging for attention amidst the stressful atmosphere of a new case. She caught herself thinking about the pain at every quiet moment. Several times she would walk herself through it – Castle screaming her name, the bullet entering her chest, the pain, feeling as if she wouldn't survive, waking to find out that she almost didn't.

As the anniversary grew closer, she put in her time off notice. Her dad didn't ask questions when she asked if she could stay at the cabin for the weekend. Either not realizing the weekend in question or politely ignoring it, he accepted her excuse of needing to get away from the city. He even volunteered that he was going to be away on a fishing trip with an old friend anyways as to assure her that he would not be interrupting her solitude.

The week before the anniversary held no significance to her friends as well. Javier and Lanie mentioned catching a Yankees game during the weekend while Ryan had plans with Jennie's family. Both wished Kate a good break, without the slightest bit of recognition of why she was leaving.

Even Castle seemed to be busy with his own agenda this week. He had casually mentioned the week prior that Alexis had booked a trip to visit Stanford again, in order to make her final decision as to the college of her choice. He hadn't even been in the precinct for most of the week.

She was happy to be alone. Even with her experience of dark days, she wasn't sure how to acknowledge this one. Did she cry herself to sleep, staying in bed all day? Did she relax in the sun and will herself to not think about the moment that almost ended her life? How do you remember the day and not drown in the pain?

She had brought music to drown out her thoughts if needed. She had packed a bottle of wine if the music didn't work. Kate chided herself for spending several moments contemplating bringing a book to read before deciding that the sound of Castle's declaration of love was already ringing in her ears so loudly. She didn't need to read the books he wrote about her too. Though she did end up grabbing one of his earlier works as she was leaving the apartment.

As she pulled up to the cabin, she was so engrossed in her thoughts she didn't notice the car parked just to the right of the front yard. She didn't even see the smoke from the grill until she was close enough to smell the aroma of perfectly cooked steaks.

"Great, you are just in time. Grab those will you." said the man behind her, with no hint of surprise at her arrival.

"What are you doing here Castle?"

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	2. Day One, Part 2

Chapter Two: _**Day One, Part 2**_

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"_Great, you are just in time. Grab those will you." said the man behind her, with no hint of surprise at her arrival._

"_What are you doing here Castle?"_

It took Kate a split second to go from confused to down right pissed off at the man standing in front of her wearing her father's apron, holding a bowl of tossed salad.

"I'll explain over dinner. Come on, you were late so if we don't get those steaks off the grill they will burn." replied Castle, without a hint of acknowledging the anger radiating off the detective in front of him.

With no other option, she dropped her small duffel bag on the deck and grabbed the tongs and plate waiting by the grill. Her stomach rumbled with an appreciation her mind did not share towards the delicious meal prepared.

It took Castle the exact amount of time to place two cold beers on the table and dish out two fresh salads on to their plates before he broke the tense silence that held in the small cabin.

"A week or two ago I get a call from your father asking me if I had plans for this weekend." started Castle, ignoring the realization that crossed his partner's face of the fact that her own father participated in this betrayal of her privacy. "Of course, we all know why you are here and we both fully support you getting away from the city and precinct."

"Well I am glad I got your approval, Castle." huffed Kate as she crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair.

"I just didn't like the idea of you sitting here alone all weekend. And neither did your father."

"You could have mentioned that to me Castle instead of dropping in uninvited! Or you could have respected my choice to spend this weekend the way I wanted to spend it."

"I never said that I wasn't going to respect that! If you want to drown yourself in red wine all weekend, go right ahead. I wont stop you. If you want to kick me out and spend the entire weekend curled up in bed, do that. All I wanted to do – all we were wanting to do – was give you the option to talk about it if you want to."

The food stood forgotten momentarily as the partners stared at each other with utter frustration written across both faces. Reluctantly, Kate broke the stare first as she picked up her fork to begin eating her salad again.

"Look, I have a ton of writing to do. I have my laptop and will promise to stay out of your space all weekend. All I am asking is that you let me in when you need me. Let me cook for you, clean, listen, talk... whatever you need. I just want to be here, just in case you need somebody." Castle winced as the pleading sound the last line touch on. He knew why he was here... he wanted her to need him. He knew she did, he just had to wait until she knew it as well.

Kate seemed to mull over this option of unexpected company as she worked silently through her meal. On one hand, she had planned for privacy in order to deal with it the way she wished. On the other hand, she yearned for the comfort of her partner's presence, despite the tension they had for the past months.

"What about Alexis?"

"Alexis? Oh, yeah her college trip. Mother is taking her, always was in fact. Alexis really didn't need me to go and spend the entire time showing the flaws of the campus as a way to get her to stay closer to home."

"So you lied to me?"

"Not technically... I had plans, and Alexis is going to Stanford. I just implied that they were the same thing." Castle replied with a smug smile on his face as Kate rolled her eyes.

The rest of the night they spent in relaxing conversation. As the darkness grew around the cabin, Castle offered to light a fire in the fireplace to ward off the cold spring night. He politely refrained from pestering her at her reading choice for the weekend but she did not miss the sparkle in his eyes or slight blush on his cheeks as he glanced at the cover. For several hours she listened to him type away at the keys on his laptop in quiet rhythm to the words he wrote on the pages of her book. Even though she knew they were different stories, with different characters, written years apart, it still almost felt like he was writing it as she read over his shoulder. Writing for her as she read to chase the demons away from the corners of her memories. His words providing a soft comfort and his presence close by bringing a warmth that she could not expressly name until a soft memory escaped and flooded her ears.

_Stay with me. I love you. I love you Kate. _

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	3. Day Two

**AN: **Thank you so much to the many _many_ people who favorited this story and reviewed. I am beyond grateful and would like to let you know that I fully intend on finishing this piece this week. I'm anticipating five chapters but that might be extended. I'm part way through Chapter four right now and I'm really getting happy with how it is turning out.

Thanks again!

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Chapter three:** Day Two**

At first, Kate didn't recognize where she was the next morning. The bed was larger than the queen she typically slept in at her father's cabin in the room just down the hall. Slowly she remembered offering her room to Castle and she would take her parents' room. She soon found that her father anticipated her staying in his room, leaving a small note on the bed spread simply addressed to her.

Kate had been far too relaxed yesterday to open the note before falling asleep in the warm bed. She had been slowly falling asleep next to the warm fire before Castle said that he was turning in for the night.

Now fully awake and curious, Kate grabbed at the letter off the nearby nightstand.

_Katie,_

_I know you may be upset at me and Castle right now for invading your privacy, but know that I truly feel this is best right now. When you called for the cabin, I knew exactly what you were looking for - a place to hide. But sweetheart, you can't always hide when things are hard. Not when you have someone in your life like him. Don't lose that, it only comes around once - trust me._

_Love,_

_Dad_

Kate was not surprised at the short length of the note, her father was never a long talker. She laid the note back on the bed, leaning against the headboard as she thought about her father's advice. She didnt want to lose Castle, she needed him and wanted him in her life. But for weeks he had been pulling away - was it too late now?

Soon, she smelled fresh bacon and pancakes from the kitchen.

_Well, at least he is still here. That is something._ Kate climbed out of the bed and quickly started getting dressed in the comfortable attire she had packed for the weekend.

"You really werent kidding about cooking for me this weekend?" said Kate with a smile as she saw the writer adding more pancake batter to the pan on the stove.

"Nope, I love cooking. Especially breakfast on the weekend. It really is the best meal of the day."said Castle as he watched the detective walk around to the coffee pot next to him.

He was glad, if not a little surprised, as to her acceptance of his presence there. He loved watching her out of the precinct where she was simply Kate instead of a tough detective with a steely glare. Here she simply sat at the kitchen table curled up in sweatpants and an old NYPD shirt with her hair piled up on her head. She was in her element at the precinct, but this was where she was comfortable.

As the partners ate breakfast, they discussed their agenda (or lack there of) for the day. A day of reading and writing sounded like a definite, although Kate mentioned going for a run later. As much as Caslte loved spending time with her, he knew chasing after her in unfamiliar woods would be a nice way to ensure they spent tomorrow in the hospital emergency room. Not wanting to do that two years in a row, he declined her invitation and said that he was planning to check in on Alexis and see the dent his mother had made to his bank account.

Shopping was Martha Rogers typical form of passive aggression. She was initially upset at his attendance by Kate's side this weekend.

_"But you said she doesn't love you. She lied to you, Richard. How long are you going to follow her around?"_

_"Till she asks me to stop." sighed Castle as he packed more food for the weekend._

_"Why?" exclaimed Martha, fearful of her son's loyalty to a relationship so one-sided. _

_"Because, being in her life matters more to me than the pain."_

Later that evening, as they dined on fresh fish her father had caught and prepared earlier that week, the partners fell into their comfortable banter discussing past cases they had gone through together.

Kate felt relieved but confused at the lack of tension between the two that day. They had spent most of the day in the same room with each other and had even cooked together in the small kitchen without any bickering or slight tense silence.

"So, are you ready for a surprise detective?" exclaimed Castle as he started a fire later that night.

"You being here was a surprise enough, what else did you do?" Kate said as she watched the writer pull items out of the kitchen cabinet. Rolling her eyes as she saw the label to the marshmallow bag.

"Smores, seriously Castle?"

"You cannot stay in a cabin in the woods and not roast marshmallows - it is unAmerican." Castle defended as he set up the ingredients and plates.

"And how many times have youstayed in a cabin?" replied the detective as she moved closer to his spot near the fire.

"Once, actually. Mother sent me to a boy scouts camp when I was in elementary school. I hated every second of it, the walking and the bugs. The only part I actually enjoyed was sitting around the bonfire at night, roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories."

"I bet you were good at those, huh?" said Kate as she pulled a marshmallow from the bag to stick on the poker Castle had brought.

"Yeah, but I knew all the good stories from theater. Most children my age hadn't even heard of Edgar Allen Poe so I was able to plagiarize a lot." replied Castle as he worked on the foundation of a smores sandwich.

As the two munched on roasted marshmallows and gooey chocolate, she thought back to the first time she stayed in the cabin. Her mother loved roasting marshmallows back then, and she would often tell Kate stories of handsome princes and castles far away. "Leave the ghost to the boys, darling." she would say.

"Castle, why did you come?" Kate asked as she picked at a warm marshmallow.

"Is that your way of telling me that you don't want me to leave?" Castle replied, his voice low and soft, but his eyes displaying the fear that he felt at her question.

"No, I'm glad you are here, really. It is just things have seemed a bit... off? between us lately and now here you are roasting marshmallows next to me in my father's cabin. What changed?"

"It was nothing, Beckett. I want to be here and I am sorry about before."

"But what happened before? Castle, I want to know what I did."

Castle sat for a while staring into the fire. He wanted to tell her, to yell it at her, to say that he had waited for her and she had lied. It was almost worse that she didn't even realize it. Worse that she was so comfortable leading him on for so long without even realizing her actions were hurting him. Did she not care about his feelings, did she not even notice?

But that was not what this weekend was about, he reminded himself. This weekend he was her friend and her partner. Not her scorned admirer, not the man whose unrequited love was still burning a hole through his heart. He would have her in his life, that was enough - it had to be enough.

"It doesn't matter, Kate."

"Yes, it does Castle. I want to know. I want to fix this." exclaimed Kate as she stared for the slightest bit of clue as to his previous emotions. Her detective skills kicked in as she noticed his eyes never quite landed on hers and he had deftly moved away from her touch as she reached over for his hand.

"Not this weekend. It doesn't matter this weekend - please. Now, do you or do you not want me to recite the Raven? You wont sleep for weeks after!" Castle relaxed as he changed the topic, avoiding the issue for another day.

"Fine, Mr. Poe. But I may hit you when I reach my Nevermore limit..." Kate said, laying back on a pillow on the floor as he began to quote the poem.

_But I will find out and I will fix this. _Resolved the detective as she relaxed to the steady rhythm of her partner's voice.

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	4. Day Three, Part 1

**AN: ** So I may be rushing the end a bit, but I feel the conflict has been dragged out for far too long on the show. Sorry if this and the next chapter feel a bit rushed.

And as always, thank you so much for reading!

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Chapter Four: **Day Three, Part One**

Kate felt the day beginning well before dawn. She screwed her eyes closed trying unsuccessfully to keep the tears at bay. It surprised her that her body seemed to be mourning this day before her mind could properly register it. Her subconscious must be aware of the significance as she had spent the night dreaming of grave stones and damp grass.

She laid in bed for several moments before deciding that a nice run outside might help her more than crying her eyes out. Kate was never one to take the pain lying down - she rather be active.

As she quietly changed clothes and pulled her worn tennis shoes on in the dark cabin, she thought about Castle still asleep in the room across. Being several hours before he would typically wake, she thought briefly about leaving a note but figured she would be back by then anyways.

Grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge for a quick drink, she realized that either decision was pointless as the writer stood outside holding a coffee mug and staring at the woods behind the cabin.

As she considered letting him know she was going out, Kate caught a glimmer of something in her partner's features that made her stop. Hiding in the dark shadow of the kitchen, she studied Castle's rigid form out in the darkness as if she was standing on the other side of the two-way mirror in the precinct.

He wasn't holding himself with the kind of ease she normally attributed to writer's ego or a famous person's indifference. His shoulders slightly slumped, he grasped the coffee mug with both hands as if holding on to a life line. As he bent his head down, she ducked farther away from the small light the early sunrise poured into the kitchen. Staring at the worn expression on his face, Kate saw for a split second one single trail of water track down the side of Castle's face.

Quickly she backed out of the kitchen and quietly out the front door. Ignoring the careful training that had been instilled in her from the academy, Kate ran at full speed immediately until she was far away from the cabin, Castle, and the solitary tear.

Kate ran for miles before the lack of a proper warm up froze her muscles in pain. Gripping her side, she bit down on her lip to stop the cries that would certainly be for far more than a simple muscle strain.

As she slowed down to a brisk walk, Kate's mind continued to race through reasons for Castle's emotion. Alexis' soon departure for college came up at the top of the list, followed by childish thoughts of a nightmare or frustration at even being there.

Her emotional part of mind pleaded with it's rational counterpart to not think of the obvious reason for his pain. The reason that would get him up before dawn; the reason that would make him come to a secluded cabin with a women whose presence he could barely stand lately. The reason that would drive him to almost willingly take a bullet meant for her. The reason that resonated in her memories.

_Today was the day I almost lost my life, _thought Kate, stopping to rest against a tree near the road. _But for Castle, it was the day he almost lost the woman he loved. And she never really came back to him.  
_

Kate knew that he had been pulling away for months. She knew he was hurting but never approached it before today. The normal Kate would have pushed back every time he said a sarcastic comment meant to hurt her. The normal Kate wouldn't have had to ask Lanie what her next move should be. The normal Kate wouldn't have lied to him in the first place. She wanted so desperately to be normal again.

She knew she was making progress, her therapist reminded after almost every session. She tried to make it a point to at least acknowledge when things upset her instead of bottling up every emotion. She had been working on it internally for months before confiding in Lanie. She was trying to be honest with herself before she could be honest for him. And as she ran away from the one person who felt as much pain as she did on that day, she realized for the first real time that she was still lying to herself as much as she was Castle.

_But the lies are going to stop today_, she thought as she started to stand from her spot by the tree.

As Kate turned to head back towards the cabin, she raced to find a way to fix this situation that was given to them. She couldn't take back the last year, she couldn't undo the scar that blazed on her chest but she could help him. She had to at least try.

A slight mist had already started by the time Kate had the cabin in sight. Years of watching the late spring storms taught her that this rain was just a beginning of a larger storm coming quickly. Her body soaked by the time she walked through the door, she quickly grabbed the matches on the fireplace to begin heating up the room. As the embers slowly heated, her body froze as she registered the bag neatly packed by the front door.

"You're leaving." whispered Kate as he walked into view.

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	5. Day Three, Part 2

**AN:** So I'm posting this today as well, since I've finished it and I originally didn't split it into two chapters but it seemed to have a good breaking point so I changed my mind.

Thank you for all the reviews and favorites. I am in the process of writing a one-shot of my version of the finale, so look for that this weekend.

Oh and the quote at the end is from Les Miserables. Best musical in the world.

Thank you again... and now for the conclusion:

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Chapter Five: **Day Three, Part Two**

_"You're leaving." whispered Kate as he walked into view. _

Castle had heard her run out of the cabin hours earlier. The small cabin did not soundproof the slamming door, and he was much to aware of his surroundings to miss it. For the countless time in three days, he asked himself again why he was there in the first place. He had cooked for her, read to her, and talked to her. But all she did was run.

When Jim had called earlier in the month, Castle had first told him he would consider it. He had picked up the phone twice to call and tell him he couldn't make it. But every time he would picture a sad, lonely Kate just sitting in the cabin hiding from everything, hiding from him. He thought if he could just break a little through that bubble she hid in he could see the real Kate, for better or for worse.

And he would be lying to himself that he was also needing her company to get through this dark day. Just seeing her face and hearing her voice was enough to remind him that she did in fact live through that day. The night had provided little comfort as the scene from a year past, replayed in his mind. When he had enough of the constant replay, he tried to find comfort in the fresh air. But the fresh grass smell and the way the light glimmered off the metal grill had only reinforced the memories from that dreadful day. At once, the pain of her escape and the torture of the memories were too much for him to take. He had to leave, just to allow himself to get through the rest of the day.

"I thought I was in your way long enough. I can at least give you the last night here in peace." Castle said as gathered the last few items to pack, his red-rimmed eyes never quite meeting hers.

"Actually Castle.. I've been really glad you were here. Truth be told, I had no clue what I was going to do this weekend and you have made it... better." Kate winced as she stuttered out, pleading with her voice to not crack.

"I'm glad Beckett. Truly, I hope this is what you needed." Castle replied softly as he continued packing his belongings.

"It is... was.. Castle. Please don't leave."

"What, why?"

Kate would have ran to block the door from him if she could. Her legs seemly frozen in place, she searched for a logical reason for him to stay. As she shifted her weight, her shoes squished cold water onto the floor below.

"Because, because it is pouring right now and the road is horrible when driving in the dark. Just stay until it clears at least... please." Kate reasoned, shivering in the cold air.

Castle accepted the answer with a resigned look out the door, like a man waiting to escape. As he sat down on the couch, Kate tried to figure out a decent way to start what was sure to be a difficult conversation. A conversation that may help her partner, or may cost her one forever.

"Castle, I think I know what is bothering you."

"I told you last night Beckett, we are not getting into this now." sighed Castle, his eyes not quite meeting the woman in front of him.

"No, now is perfect. It is when it all started right. What is wrong with now, the day is already ruined - that happened twelve months ago." Kate argued, slightly pacing before she realized it.

As Castle kept staring straight ahead, she realized that this was not going to be a yelling match. To fix things, she was going to have to lead it.

"Castle, when I was shot I remembered so much that I couldn't deal with right away. You risked your life for me, just a second earlier and I could have been back at the grave site speaking at your funeral. You have risked so much to even be with me. Even sitting here right now is obviously painful and yet you do it anyways.

I know I hurt you when I hid from you and I know that I lied, but I was trying so hard to heal Castle. I was trying so hard to heal for you. To become the woman who deserved to hear that from you. To deserve you to love me."

Castle's eyes immediately found hers as he opened his mouth to talk. Kate raised her hand to stop him - she was on a roll and if she stopped she might miss something.

"But that woman you said you loved was gone. I cant find her anymore. I cant go back to before the shooting. I want to love you. I want to love you so much it hurts, but you don't deserve this, Castle.

You deserve someone who is fun, who isn't complicated, who is whole. And I'm in pieces. I was shot by a man whose entire goal was to kill me. Not in the heat of the moment or to escape capture, but someone who waited and planned to murder me in cold blood. Twelve months later and I can still barely look at my scars.

I keep thinking I'm getting better; getting to the point where I can let you in, but why? You don't deserve someone who has that kind of baggage. That kind of history and a future that will inevitably be just as complicated.

You deserve the best, Castle. I want you to have the absolute best in life, not someone who is broken  
And I am broken."

As the final words slipped almost as a whisper from her mouth, Kate turned away from her partner's gaze to quickly wipe the tears from her eyes. When she turned back around, Castle was already by her side. He reached a hand to grab her cheek as the other one grasped her hands.

"Kate, you are not broken. You may feel that way from time to time, but your scars do not make you broken. You fought. You survived. You _lived_.

You say that you are in pieces because of what? Because your mother is gone - I never even knew my father. Because you were shot? That bullet almost destroyed me because it could have taken you away. We are all in pieces - it is what we do with them that matters. It is how we use them to fill each others' lives that matters. And you fill mine with so much...

Don't ever, ever again say that you are not what I want, what I need in my life. You are everything. You _are_the absolute best in life, scars and all." whispered Castle as he leaned his forehead against hers. He could feel her tears as they trailed down his cheek.

"I love you, Kate. I love you." Castle pressed his lips against her wet hair as he pleaded in her ear. "Let me love you."

Kate pulled away as she stared into Castle's face. She thought to the last time he used a voice like that to plead with her. As she lay dying, he begged her to stay with him and she did. Now, he was asking her to remove her wall of pain and self-doubt. Of worry and fear, to do what they both wanted.

Castle watched as she leaned her face towards his, reaching one hand to touch his face and pulling herself closer to him with the other.

As their lips touched, she felt the burden of the wall crumble. As they deepened the kiss, he felt the pain of her lies melt away with the fire of their embrace.

As the storm passed, the two partners clung to each other. Where twelve months before he held her body as she faded away, now they fought for a new love that would transcend the past pain.

Hours later, the clock struck midnight. A new day began, a fresh start. There would be times when they looked upon her shooting with pain, but they would never celebrate nor hide from the dark day again.

They embraced it like any other day. One that would bring trials and fortune, heartache and love. For that is what life is - a culmination of anniversaries of past actions and mistakes. But we navigate through them, celebrating the ones that brought us happiness and trying with all of our might to forget the ones that caused us pain.

For as it was once said: "Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise."

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